I am about to leave. This isn’t the first time I’ve left home for a far away place (although right now going to school in Alabama hardly seems to count) nor do I expect this to be the last time. However, this time seem so incredibly different. As I attempt to mentally prepare for my year as a young adult volunteer in South Korea I continue to find myself trying to justify why I deserve to be going on this journey or why I am even worthy of this mission. Because in so many ways I feel extremely unqualified, I feel like they picked the wrong person and I don’t belong on the plane I am about to board (sorry I really didn’t realize my first true blog post would get so real so quickly).
I guess in many ways I have always had this inner battle of worth inside myself. I could sit here and try to examine exactly why I sometimes feel the way I do about myself. But I don’t because I guess deep down inside even I know that feeling worthy of a call, it doesn’t matter or change the fact you are called.
Someone once told me, “God’s grace is sufficient” and although I don’t know really any of the answers right now I can’t shake the feeling that I don’t need to. God’s grace in my life has made me sufficient to where I don’t need to be worthy of God’s call because that’s not what grace is. Grace is not being worthy, but rather being unworthy, knowing it, yet going anyway.
Tomorrow I leave and now my tune has changed. I am almost proud of my unworthiness; I’ll wear it as a badge, showing the presence of God’s grace within my life.